


Bug report: dick got all weird

by figgy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Knotting, Marathon Sex, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-18
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-23 21:57:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/931521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/figgy/pseuds/figgy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sburb is not to be outdone by crazy players bugging everything out. Since Jade is a girl who is also a dog, the game helpfully gave Dave matching genitalia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bug report: dick got all weird

"I'm serious. You're going to have to tell me I'm beautiful just the way I am."

Dave was nervous. He was disguising it by pretending to be nervous. "It's seriously not a size thing?" Jade asked. "Because I... made my left boob slightly bigger, because they didn't match perfectly." Jade idly jiggled herself. "You know?"

"No. You'll see."

But after a few seconds, she didn't see. "Come on..." Jade said. Trying to keep the mood up, Jade nuzzled against Dave's shoulder, in what she hoped was a desiring, sexy sort of way.

"Nah hold on, I got to look away and bite my finger."

Jade huffed. The bed creaked softly as Jade lifted up into the air in front of Dave. She'd spent quite enough time with Dave's hand up her dress in the last hour, and she wasn't interested in putting it off anymore. Dave casually leaned back and propped himself up on his arms. In a flash, their clothes disappeared.

To his cool credit, Dave didn't flinch. Jade floated above him, in a slightly angelic pose. He stared at her. He stared at her hard, because he wanted to think about her body, and not his. But he couldn't appreciate it properly while waiting for her reaction. She was looking at him. Her eyes were wide, but not worryingly wide. She looked interested, and confused. Which was the best he could hope for, of course.

Jade looked at Dave. And... there was that. The erection between his legs. That was definitely a thing. There was a bulge, maybe twice as big around as the rest of it, close to the base, the skin stretched and folded around it.

A few seconds passed. "Fuck if I know what it is."

"It's a knot. Dogs have them." Jade said.

"...What, it's your fault?" Dave said. "Been wondering what that was for three years," he muttered, frowning slightly.

"Well then maybe it will... fit?" Jade said vaguely. Her mouth hung slightly open. She didn't know what to make of it, she wasn't confident that it would fit easily, but....

She had never really gotten a good look at Dave's body before. Now she saw that he looked really good. He was so perfectly shaped, it was intimidating. He looked like he should be in a movie or magazine, not in front of her, waiting to touch her. But then... there was that. It stuck out shamelessly right in the middle of him. The rest of him was so pretty, and it was so wonderfully ugly. She'd never seen a real penis before, but it was swollen, pulsating, the skin slightly darker than the rest of him; it was just so... biological.

Jade dropped down onto the bed, and lay on her back. "You want me to do it?" Dave asked.

Jade nodded. Dave leaned in close, and slid his fingers inside her. His hands had been running across her body for a long time, trying to put off the bizarre revelation he had to make. She was entirely soaked; the only reason his fingers hadn't been here before was that he didn't want to prompt Jade to respond in kind. Now, she did.

"Come on, let's just go," Jade said. She tugged on him almost violently, like she was trying to pull him towards her. And with a knot to grab onto, she did. He fell on her and kissed her, and even as he did, he started to spread her legs.

Jade's back arched as she felt it. His hands came to rest on her thighs as he slid across her, aiming. And all of a sudden, he pushed inside her. Jade inhaled sharply, and clenched down around him, but after a few seconds, she relaxed. He wasn't inside her, not really; the knot had pressed against her, and pulled away slightly. She was worried that it might hurt, but at the same time, she hated the incompleteness. He wasn't fully inside her yet, and she didn't want it to stay that way.

They looked each other in the eye. They were together, both feeling pleasure from the other, and they knew it. But they weren't done. Dave broke away his gaze, and looked down. He pulled out partially, and slid in and out a few times, sliding his hand across his cock, trying to lubricate his knot as best he could. He could see the tension in Jade's body.

"Okay, relax your muscles or whatever," Dave mumbled.

Jade tried to relax her brain too, trying not to think about the twinge of dread that went through her as Dave leaned in again. Jade groaned slightly as he went in deeper. He shifted his hips, rotating slightly back and forth as he worked his way in. Jade took deep breaths, trying to stop herself from clamping down as she felt the tightness bit by bit became painful. But she wanted him, and her hips bucked and twisted slowly as he moved. Every little bit made the feeling more intense, pleasant even through the pain of the stretching. It seemed to take forever, but finally his width peaked, and it started to get easier. In one movement, Dave slowly slid the rest of the way in.

Jade looked wide-eyed at the ceiling. The still-fading pain wasn't bad, like the pain of scratching an itch too hard, or pulling on hair just hard enough. But Dave fit perfectly where he was now; it must have been because of her after all. But if it wasn't tight enough to hurt, it was tight enough to be sensitive. Too sensitive. His heartbeat alone made her want to moan, and it kept getting stronger. Jade was almost frightened of what would happen when he started moving.

"Well?" Dave said, breathlessly.

"Uh," Jade said, blushing suddenly. "It's good. ...Keep going."

Dave picked her up, and set her down delicately with her head against the pillow, and stretched over with some difficulty to slide a sheet on top of them. Then he started moving.

If his delicate placement of the two of them led her to believe he would be slow and sensual, he soon corrected her mistake. He grabbed her tightly and pounded into her, in a near frenzy. The only thing that he was in control of was the relentlessly precise rhythm. And as he moved, he hit hard against something inside her as well, that sent sparks shooting through her. Dave struggled to keep a grip on her as she thrashed and shook. There was no sound she could make that would match what she was feeling.

But soon, too soon, he grabbed her hips so hard it almost hurt. He groaned into her neck, and she felt him lurch violently inside her. And second by second, the tension melted out of his body, and he sank down on top of her.

As much as she wanted him to continue, her sense of need was buried under a sudden wave of emotion. She had never been so close to him. They were one animal now, one melted together pile of skin and sweat, hearts pounding and heads swimming. His body lay in a heap on top of her, hot and wet and even smelling wonderful. And he throbbed inside her bigger than ever.

It felt way too good, Dave thought. Jade was wrapped snugly around his head and shaft, soft, wet, and as hot as he was. But she must have adjusted herself to fit him, he could tell. It wasn't just jammed into a tight tube; there was a sort of pouch gripping it. He felt a subtle resistance kneading it when he moved, massaging the sides as much as the widest point. It was perfectly shaped to him, and after feeling it, he was still so hard it almost hurt.

Dave wasn't done, but he was tired. The rush wearing off almost left him trembling, and the most of his strength had left his body. So he turned around, flipping onto his back and taking Jade with him. Jade slowly rose to a sitting position. "Your turn," Dave said.

When she sat up, she jolted upright as her weight on his hips pushed him deeper inside. She felt suddenly conspicuous. Dave was just going to look at her, while she was...

Well, while she was losing her mind. His orgasm hadn't made her any less aroused, and the feeling was just as intense as before. She couldn't help but start moving. Her eyes closed, and she turned her hips slowly as she moved, trying to find the perfect angle. And soon she was leaning forward, grinding her clit against Dave, and it set her on fire. She bit her lip as Dave ran his hands across her body. He grabbed her breasts, and massaged them. He circled his thumbs around her nipples. And every thrust of her hips felt better than the last. The pleasure was relentless, but she could feel satisfaction on the horizon. She moved, not as perfectly rhythmic as Dave, but no less enthusiastic. She went faster and faster, almost panting, looking for an end, looking for relief, so she wouldn't have to do this for the rest of her life.

The final stretch seemed to take forever. Her orgasm waited, just out or reach, second after second, while she whimpered out loud. And then it washed over her. And when she clamped down on Dave, it was an explosion inside her, like every nerve in her body had thrown itself at it, and been blasted apart. Her body was melting, and the heavy lump inside her was driving her crazy. It felt like every itch she had scratched, every much-needed trip to the bathroom, every time she had ever walked into air conditioning all at once. Her hips thrust against him, riding it out, until finally, she was too exhausted to continue.

And then Dave flipped her over again. Dave, who wasn't close to orgasm at all at the moment. He carried on moving like nothing had happened.

Even if Jade had wanted to complain, she wouldn't have had the strength to say anything.

\----

"Uuuuuuuughhh," Jade said. "Why are you still hard..."

"Nothing will kill the mood like whining about how relentless my cock is."

Jade was slowly riding Dave. She could have stopped by now, he could have stopped by now, if only they could separate. But every moment of peaceful satisfaction was followed by Dave riding her for himself, or else they lay there, stuck together, until the warm and wet flesh gently throbbing against them forced lust back into their minds.

"Seriously, teleport away. We can take a shower, go down on each other, something like that."

"No, I don't want to." Jade closed her eyes.

She knew the first time she tested it, when she pulled away, and felt the sudden tightness inside her. It would hurt to pull out, but... she couldn't stand the thought of it anyway. He was hard; that was important. It wasn't just the feeling of him, or the desire that waxed and waned as the minutes went by. It was a matter of principle.

Because as much as he offered her escape, he wasn't done with her. He was never really exhausted, or worn down. He was just relaxed, until he decided to come in her again. And he admitted he wasn't even running dry. He was still filling her, even the fourth time he came. This was a Thing; he couldn't just be really horny right now. No, this was how Daves did things. She had found the mating ritual of the Dave Strider, and the hell if she wasn't going to follow it through to completion.

She had gotten him hard, and she wanted to be proud of it. She didn't want that arousal to be so trivial that she would just bail out of it part of the way through. He really wanted something now, without any irony or ironic posturing or ineriority complex, and she wanted him to get it. She wanted every moment he would spend inside her, and then the moment when his body let her go. She didn't want to leave, she wanted to be released, when he was 100% done.

\----

Dave was moving slowly. He never sped up, and he never slowed down. He had gotten some kind of second wind, or else settled into a pattern. He moved like a metronome. She swore she could feel a puddle inside her, but every time he added to it, his orgasm shuddered through his body without affecting his hips in the slightest. He probably wasn't even actually using his muscles, he was just floating. His orgasm came, and he moved; his orgasm went, and he moved. He was slow, so slow it might have been a terrible tease, but she was so sensitive, it could still bring her to orgasm. And he came just as often as she did. Her body was so soaked with pleasure, she could hardly tell where the orgasm began and ended. This had gone on for what, an hour?

Jade was insane right about now. She hoped it was like this every time.

\----

They might as well have had sex in a monsoon. The bed was soaked through, and their bodies were so sweaty it wasn't worth moving. But Dave was still hard.

It was heroic at this point. This was something that belonged in an epic poem. She had clearly found the best species to be: human who is sort of also a dog. There wasn't any other animal better, because humans who are sort of also dogs get to fuck Dave, and there was nothing better than that.

"Teleport."

"No."

"I'm not moving any more, I'm tired."

"I can't move."

"I'm thirsty."

At that, Jade perked up a little. So, Dave lifted up into the air, poking Jade to prompt her to follow suit. And they bobbed slowly through the air, bodies still mostly limp, to the bathroom. Dave drank directly from the sink, bending over past Jade, and sticking his face up to the faucet. Jade followed suit. They got as far as that, before he started moving again. His hips made an irregular motion, lurching and grinding dumbly against Jade.

Jade acknowledged him with a faint noise. She thought the pleasure must have been dulled by how tired she was. Her head and shoulders lay draped over the sink, the water pouring against her cheek. She finished drinking, and slowly turned the tap off. Her head drooped down into the sink. Her eyes closed. Her rear floated in the air, her legs not supporting her weight. Dave's hands rested on her back. Her mind faded into a haze...

"Huh." Jade grunted.

"...n?"

"I think we're sleepy."

Dave stopped moving for a moment. "I guess."

"Should I separate us?"

"No, let me finish first."

"Heeh," Jade grinned to herself.

\----

Dave woke up in a bathroom, on top of a layer of towels. It took him a moment to remember what he was doing there. He didn't remember falling asleep. He had a mental image of himself passing out, flopping down onto her back, and drooling on her.

No, he had to consider this a victory, ego-wise. It probably wasn't supposed to end like that, but you had to fall asleep somewhere. Jade probably thought it was cute.

When Jade woke up, she confirmed that it was.


End file.
